6 Things I Won’t Apologize For
None of us are perfect, and I will admit I’ve doled out my fair share of legitimate apologies in my life for doing things that plainly warranted contrition. However, there are some situations in which I will not apologize or attempt to justify.
Continuing on my recent theme of self-expression, self-love, and self-acceptance, here are the six scenarios in which I am absolutely unapologetic.
I may be too loud or sarcastic for some people. My interest in projects may wax and wane, and I might be fantastically stubborn at times. I can be intense and shy and creative and excitable and quiet and crude.
My eccentricities are mine and I love them.
I don’t believe that anyone should ever feel guilt or shame over who they are. It took me a long time to accept myself for who I am, and I am not going to apologize to anyone for it.
I no longer contort myself into uncomfortable situations just to keep the boat from rocking, nor do I sacrifice my happiness in order to please others. As a self-actualized woman, I am clear on what I will and won’t allow in my life.
I know myself and what boundaries I need to enforce.
Additionally, the more I mature the more I realize that setting clear boundaries is not the selfish act we assume it is. In fact, it is a service to those close to you. Ensuring that you are taking care of yourself is the best way to show up for others.
I won’t apologize for that.
I’ll keep this one vague. As I’ve alluded to previously, I’ve done a lot of dumb shit in my past. Dangerous shit. Hurtful shit. I think many of us can relate.
However, I am who I am today because of the messes I’ve made and the experiences I’ve had. For better or worse, my past is an undeniable part of my story. I don’t regret it. So why should I apologize for it?
My politics and activism
I am a feminist. I am a supporter of LGBTQ+ rights. I am an ally for people of color and I’m not afraid to say that Black Lives Matter. I will not censor myself or apologize for standing up for what I believe in. I feel we all have a responsibility to stand up for what we believe in, even if it is unpopular or inconvenient.
My politics follow suit. #notmypresident
Until and unless we can be confident that the country is being ran competently and responsibly, that the rights and liberties of our citizens are not in danger, and hate and violence and American extremism is disavowed, I will not keep quiet.
Until and unless we can be sure that the world is protected from environmentally-disastrous corporate interests, that our Commander-in-Chief has the best interests of ALL Americans at heart, I refuse to be neutral.
Which brings me to…
I am not ashamed of my sexuality, nor will I apologize for it. I am an individual that fully embraces the sensuality of being a woman, the full spectrum of sexual desire, and the naturalness of life as a sexual-being.
I believe: that intimacy is vital. That our sexualities are not separate from us and they are not wrong; instead, denial and suppression of this fundamental human act is unhealthy and destructive. That the erasure of bisexual women is legitimate issue (though I’m wary of labels). That there is no shame or immorality inherent in the naked body. That sex can be spiritual and rational and creative and transactional and transcendent.
As women we’ve been taught believe our emotions are burdensome. That emotions are an uncomfortable distraction. That we should strive to be quiet, resolute, and rational.
Fuck that. I’m self-expressive and I’m ruled by my emotions. My divine feminine self recognizes that my emotions are the key to my intuitive subconscious and I embrace that.
I will not feel shame or apologize for my sadness or anger or happiness or fear.
Emotions should be treated with respect. They should be expressed and processed and acknowledged. They mean something. They have a purpose. Rejection of our emotions is an act of self-violence, only serving to separate and splinter us.
So, what about you? What are your non-negotiables? I’d love to know what you no longer feel the need to justify, explain, or apologize for.